Fireproof your marriage, for tough times will come. That is one of the main messages of a big screen film currently playing. So true. Every couple preparing for marriage should get “marriage insurance”: they will need it later.
Flowers, photographers, dresses and tuxes don’t last very long. They are nice and to some degree important for “the big day,” but they cannot ensure a happy married life. And they most certainly pale in comparison with the things that really matter — the things that last for all eternity. These important things are often missed even by the most willing and dedicated couples and their families. Don’t be among them!
Make sure you start your married life on a solid foundation, on the one thing that will proof your marriage against the onslaughts of all its enemies — from the inside out. Start your married life on the one thing that will glue you and your spouse together for life: Christ.
Make Christ the center of your life — as individuals and as a couple. Say “I do” to Jesus Christ on your wedding day. Accept him, your Maker, as your spiritual and eternal Spouse. That’s what he wants. Your Maker wants to marry you!
The Old Testament book of the Song of Songs speaks of a bride and a groom who are crazy about each other and seek one another with vehement passion. And this love story, full of references to marital union and passionate love is a sacred book of the holy Scriptures! It speaks in this language because of the nature of human love and the nature of divine love.
The Scriptures, the saints and even modern day popes tell us that God wishes to enter into a covenant of lasting love, into a marriage covenant with each one of us, male or female. The prophet Isaiah says: “For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name, and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,” and “As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you.”
Newlywed couples can and should delight in one another and fully enjoy their married love, in all its moments and expressions. Your attention ought to turn to one another often and effusively, lavishing attention and love on one another in multiple and unexpected ways. And you do well if you keep up the lavish loving beyond your first year of marriage!
But this newlywed loving need not prevent you from developing your primary relationship of love, which is your relationship with your Maker and Divine Spouse.
In fact, to the extent that a couple makes time for God and gives him some of their attention, to that extent will their married love and spousal relationship grow deeper and stronger.
Just as the Lord places a man and a woman in each other’s life to love and help one another, and become one flesh, so does the Lord our God wish to help us become one with him for all eternity. He wishes to become our Lover: the one whose love we depend on, live by, draw strength and life from, and cherish and delight in regularly.
He wishes to have an intimate and life-giving relationship with each and every one of us, as intimate as the one spouses are called to develop. He wishes to share his very life with you and have you do the same: share with him your most intimate wishes and feelings, your most mysterious and personal thoughts, your most guarded memories and wounds, your greatest weaknesses and strengths, and your wildest longings and aspirations, desires and dreams. He wishes to be intimate with you. He wishes to be close to you, very close … in order to share his very self with you.
How does a couple develop that Christ-closeness that will set the firm foundation for their married love and life?
First, giving Christ an “I do,” an intentional “Come, Lord Jesus, into my heart, life and marriage in a renewed and deeper manner.”
Second, setting aside time for daily prayer, even if it’s only 10 or 20 minutes a day to begin.
Third, going to Mass every Sunday as a couple, and more often whenever possible, to receive the nourishment of the word of God and the Body of Christ, and grow in your spiritual and marital life as an active member of the church Christ founded for our salvation.
Fourth, learning more about this Maker-Spouse, by reading solid Catholic books specifically aimed at helping individuals and couples grow in a deeper knowledge of our Catholic faith.
Fifth, making regular use the sacrament of reconciliation — of “the medicine box” as St. Augustine called it — to leave behind anything and everything that prevents you from being the man, the woman, the couple God has created you to be, and taking from this “medicine box” the remedy we all need to fight the good fight of faith and become saints: men and woman who think and act like Christ, at home and in the workplace.
Finally, (in this summarized “marriage insurance” tips list), make sure you join yourself to other strong, healthy, stable couples who can be mentors and friends to you; people who have lived through a lot and have come out victorious; couples who themselves know what it means to say and live their “I do” to one another and to God.
Do these things and you’ll see that it doesn’t really take that much time or effort, it costs virtually nothing, yet the benefits are enormous!
Fireproof your marriage by taking Christ as your Divine Spouse on your wedding day. And if you are already married, it’s not too late to say “I do” to the Divine Spouse who wishes to marry you for all eternity.
Martha Fernádez-Sardina is the director of the archdiocesan Office for Evangelization and an international bilingual speaker and teacher. She previously served as archdiocesan Director for Evangelization for the Archdiocese of Washington, D.C. Contact her office at (210) 734-1990.